I go back to May 1937

I wonder if the speaker was an accident? What made the speaker want to stop the marriage? I want to stop them from getting married but I don't want to? How are we suppose to make sense of this? Maybe the speaker wants us to think about it... How his life as a kid was horrible and how his parents didn't pay attention to him. All these thoughts we have but don't know the answer too. We will never find out, we will just keep on wondering...